Archive for the ‘ Pages ’ Category

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Bury that which needs to be left behind and listen to your dreams. This will help ignite your creative energies and take you down a new path; guide you to new passions.
  • Inspiration and creativity flow all around you but you need to be open to their influences. Once you move forward and leave the past behind, you will feel your inner fire reigniting.
  • Your mind is getting in the way of your spirit. You are over-intellectualizing things and not listening to the divine spark in your soul. Reconnect with your creative passion.

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • What have you sacrificed in pursuit of your heart’s desire? How much of yourself have you lost? Was it worth it?
  • You’ve let logic and intellect take you in the wrong direction; listened to the wrong advisors. Now might be a good time to walk away and follow your heart.
  • You have been given messages from the divine, from nature; omens pointing you in the right direction which you have ignored. Reconnect with your heart and listen to the message it brings. You might find your way to the true fulfillment and happiness you seek.

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You may not be sure what you’re seeking, where you want to focus your energies, but closing off your heart isn’t helping.
  • Try combining your creative energies and your heart & soul. Right now you’re treating them as separate; looking in two different directions. Try looking within and consolidating, merging these two facets of your life.
  • You are frustrated in finding a focus for your creative juices. In your heart you fear you’re not ready to move on to something new, to start a new path in your life. This fear is the only thing holding you back. Trust yourself and unleash that creative force.

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • You are not listening to the messages the divine is sending you. Instead of trusting your heart, you’re forcing yourself to follow what you perceive as a logical, rational plan but it’s not giving you what you truly desire.
  • You’re deceiving yourself that listening to the chattering of magpies is actually providing wise advice. Stop cutting yourself off from your soul and reconnect to your heart.
  • In trying to protect your soft, inner self you are burying your head in the sand and ignoring the reality around you. Realize that listening to your heart and having a gentle nature can be a source of strength not weakness. Feeding on the remains if our victims does not make us strong, it takes us carrion.

Tarot Hunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • Fear of new ideas and ways of communicating limit your worldview and blunt your creative energies.
  • Self-doubts and inner demons can undermine your creative spirit. A negative internal dialogue douses enthusiasm faster than a bucket of ice water.
  • New creative endeavors and projects start within. If you’re not listening to your soul, you may find it difficult to tap into that fire.

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Embrace new ideas and concepts.  Let them lead you to new studies and learning opportunities.
  • Ground yourself so that all these new ideas coming at you don’t become overwhelming.  Taking on too much at once often leads to burnout.
  • Enthusiasm and excitement can be great motivators but if you don’t have the willingness to do the work they will go nowhere.

Before writing this blog post I asked the universe how I should approach this topic; where should my focus be? I drew the Page of Wands Rx – all sorts of potential creative and dynamic energy being blocked or channeled in wrong directions. Hmm, so is writing about the dark nooks and crannies of my soul focusing in the wrong direction or is are the dark nooks and crannies of my soul created when I channel my energies in inappropriate or unhealthy directions? I’m choosing to interpret the Page of Wands Rx as indicating the latter – blocking my creative energies creates the dark nooks & crannies.

So, now that I’ve established that where am I going with it? I’m doing to dive right in the deep end. Reality is that I’m not an especially introspective person – at least not on a daily basis. I tend to be more of a doer than a planner. I can plan but it’s not my first instinct. My tendency is to dive into the deep end of any endeavor and then just figure my way out. It’s been relatively successful so I’ve had little incentive to change this pattern. Which also explains the reversed Page of Wands – when I take on a new project or creative impulse I tend to jump right in to things. Poking around in my dark places is rather counter-intuitive to me.

I will say that using Tarot has been a great way to sneak into my subconscious. I can be quite good at rationalizing and intellectualizing my actions. Deflection and denial can be quite powerful so the only way for me to subvert them is a tool like Tarot cards. Tarot forces me to hold a mirror up to myself and address what I see. It often takes more than one attempt but eventually even my stubbornness cannot hold out against the slaps upside the head that Tarot offers. Each deck offers different insights and perspectives.

I realize now that I’ve used Tarot as a therapeutic tool. Despite my MA in forensic psychology, I have a resistance to therapy. I resist believing that I need another person’s input to my therapeutic process. I hate being told what to do, even when I know the suggestions might be useful. I am one of those people who has to stumble through the jungle on my own. I don’t value the experience unless it’s first hand. It’s the same reason I rarely find self-help books helpful – I may be glad that others have found their way to healing and wholeness but I need to forge my own path. I also have no interest in mentoring others. If you find something useful in these musings then I’m thrilled. If not, that’s okay too because it helped me.

Over the next few months I’ll probably share more specific tales of this journey through the wilds of my own mind. I don’t know if it will be especially interesting or edifying but I’ll guess time will tell. What I do know is that for some reason I’m compelled to share. Maybe just knowing that they’re not alone out there will help others who have similar experiences. Maybe at the end of the day that’s what helps us all stay a little saner – the knowledge that we are not alone.

 

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Are you listening to the messages you receive from the Universe?
  • Are you so busy putting on a performance for others that you forget to drop the mask?
  • When was the last time you let others see the real you – your fiery, passionate, creative self?

 

Weighed down by burdens

Still, I trudge forward arms full

Tasks undone, not fun

I turned 50 back in July.  I have to say it’s been more of a shock than I expected.  I figured all the hype about becoming a Crone or 50 being a big transition age was just that – hype.  Once again I have been proven wrong.

The biggest shock I had upon turning 50 is the realization that I have somehow manage to shed almost 30+ years of civilizing.  I joke that the women in my family don’t domesticate well but it’s kind of true.  None of us has ever been a “traditional” female.  Quite possibly because most of us have had the unluck to marry men who have proven to be abysmal partners for one reason or other.  Clearly this is some type of familial pattern; a cycle that needs to be addressed and changed.  Anyway, I’ve gotten off point here.  The point is that apparently 50 year old me has a lot in common with 13 year old me.  Now that I no longer need to “dress for success” or anyone else’s approval, I have gone back to my favorite look – jeans, boots and plaid shirts.  How ironic that I loved this look long before Supernatural became popular.

I’ve also experienced a shift in attitude.  Not that I was ever shy about expressing my opinions but I did occasionally manage to tone things down depending upon the company.  Now I just don’t give a shit.  It’s as though that poor, weak, fragile filter that prevented me from being completely unrated was demolished, destroyed, damaged beyond repair.  Don’t misunderstand, I rarely intend to be insulting, rude or obnoxious but somehow I’m sure I come off that way when my mouth gets ahead of my brain.  At the same time I realize this is the result of not having to worry that I’ll offend someone who good opinion I might need later on.  The truth is I am a lousy diplomat.

For many years I felt as though I identified most with the energies of the Queen of Swords and Queen of Wands.  Now I realize that Queen of Swords persona was exactly that – a mask I donned when the occasion called for it.  Now I fully embrace my Queen of Wands energy but it means that sometimes I bash people into submission (or as my mother likes to say, I use “truth” as a weapon).  What I have also discovered is my connection to the Queen of Pentacles.  I can be a caregiver.  I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not my favorite role but when I have to make a choice between doing what might be sensible and/or more convenient or doing what I believe is right, then I’m willing and able to make sacrifices.

 

So, turning 50 has proven to be quite a mind-blowing experience all around.  I’ve realized that I don’t need things to be happy (in fact, much to my shock, I’ve realized too many things just makes me feel overwhelmed).  I’ve learned that I don’t want to bend to the wills of others.  I want to run my own life and follow my own passions.  I’ve learned that I’m tired of letting the perfect get in the way of the good.  I’m sure there are lots more things I’ve learned but this was a good starting point.

Just to make it interesting for any readers out there I decided to ask the Tarot what message I can offer to any others going through a similar experience.  I drew the Page of Swords from the Tarot of the Secret Forest.  At first I thought the youth was playing a cello or similar instrument but looking closer I realized he is holding a sword and shield.  The minute I saw this card I heard the phrase “relearn your own mind; stay true to your inner music”.  I’m interpreting this to mean that turning 50 gives us a chance to reconnect to who we really are without the obligations of motherhood, career, marriage and societal expectations.  We’ve been able to moved beyond all that and now we can pick up our instruments and learn how to dance and sing our true songs, our soul songs, again.
 

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