Crone 9 of Disks Crone 5 of Wands

When I read Ellen’s interpretations for these two cards in her companion book, two sentences jumped out at me.  For the 9 of Disks Ellen speaks of community and sharing.  She points out the the antidote to isolation is sharing and that struck me.  I’ve been feeling so isolated and detached lately and I’ve also been avoiding friends and group activity.  How can I expect to feel like part of a community and overcome this sense of isolation if I withdraw?  It’s counter-intuitive.  For so long I’ve felt like the outsider watching through a window as others embrace and share experiences.  Part of that is due to my childhood – my branch of the family was something of an embarrassment to the rest so we often weren’t invited to family events.  This gave me the sense that every other branch of the family was close.  With age sometimes comes wisdom and enlightenment.  In the last few years I’ve had some conversations with cousins that made me realize my belief was an illusion.  Some of them might have been closer to others but that was due to being of a similar age with similar interests.  Unfortunately that sense of otherness and outsider status is still in my bones.

The 5 of Wands has that bright, fiery, dancing star at it’s center.  Ellen’s descriptive phrase for this card shouts “Look at me.  I’ve got something to say!”  Oh brother do I feel like that right now.  For Simpsons fans, I feel like Lisa when the teachers go on strike.  She stands in the kitchen near Marge begging “Rate me, evaluate and rank me.  I’m ever so smart.”  That’s how I feel now that I’m no longer in the workforce or attending classes.  I feel as though I have no external validation or recognition.  One way to lessen that sense is by participating in group activities and becoming part of a community of folks with similar interests.

Okay so I get it – the way to maintain my momentum is to find support groups or special interest groups that will nourish my spirit and provide me with folks of a like mind with whom to share ideas and trade experiences.  If I don’t have some sort of support group I’ll eventually run out of steam and become distracted.  so for my own benefit and healing, I need to stop trying to do things alone.  This message has been coming through loud and clear over the past few weeks.  Now I need to actually listen and do something about it.