Greenman Oracle Saille/Willow

In divination, Saille can suggest a need to connect, listen to, or honor the ancestors, dead or alive. It may also draw attention to timing and flow, what currents are being joined or resisted.

Magically, Saille can be used for anything that flows. It is good for timing; knowing the proper moment for action. Saille is also good for moon-related work. For healing, this fid can be used in work for cleansing or encouraging blood flow, and for menstruation. As willow bark was the original source for aspirin, this fid is also good for pain relief.

Linked Concepts:  Ancestors and messages from the ancestors, death, the realm of the dead, time, tides, knowledge of time and proper timing, denial, impurity, music, honey and mead. (Erynn Rowan Laurie – Not Your Mama’s Tree Ogam)

What do I need to be listening to right now? 3 of Cups R, 4 of Wands R + Prince of Swords (DruidCraft)

DruidCraft 3 of Cups DruidCraft 4 of Wands DruidCraft Prince of Swords

As I drew each cards a voice in my head gave me a message. For the 3 of Cups it said “not your friends”. For the 4 of Wands it said “not your hubby”. For the Prince of Swords it said “listen to your brain”. Hmm, that almost seems to easy – my preference has always been to listen to my own mind, my own intellect and usually the messages I get send me in the other direction. So for once I can follow through on my own instincts.

Of course it’s never that easy. This message is also telling me that I really already know the answer to this question. I know what I need to be doing – not partying, celebrating and feasting (or generally engaging in unhealthy lifestyle choices). I need to get smart and start doing what I already know is in my best interests. I need to knuckle down and develop the discipline I need to follow this path. I don’t need to charge blindly ahead – in fact that would undermine the entire process. What I need to do is plan and follow through on those plans. I need to come up with a strategy that will help me stick with this new plan. I need to stay motivated and inspired – whatever steps needs to be taken.

I can really suck to know the answers because it means I’m lying to myself; deluding myself. I’m always in search of shortcuts (who isn’t?) but in this case (as with most other) the shortcuts have just lead to a lot of wasted effort and little results. I have better luck wishing for a genie to blink everything in order.

I need to accept that I am an addict. My addiction is sugar and carbs and there is not getting around that. No tricks I can use to make it better or allow me to cheat a little. I need to give it up completely. Otherwise all my efforts to make changes will prove fruitless and futile. Why waste my time and energy? It’s ironic that I know once I can get past a certain point with no sugar, I’ll stop craving and missing it but getting to that point has been a long, long haul. I realize that if I want to spend the remaining years of my life in good health and be a vibrant active woman then I need to get this crap in order and knock it off. I don’t doubt it will be a challenge but hopefully I’m up to it.

Green Man Tree Oracle Quert/Apple

Today I drew the fid Ceirt.  Erynn Rowan Laurie writes this:  Ceirt, along with h-Úath, is one of the most challenging ogam feda. Its meaning of a rag or a shrub links it in my mind with the practice of tying rags to clootie trees in Ireland and Scotland as an appeal for healing (McManus uses the “shrub” or “bush” definition, while Meroney suggested that the word was translated as “a rag”. I found the connections between both of these suggested meanings useful enough that I have chosen to use both, though Meroney’s definition is probably not correct.). These trees are often found at sacred wells or on fairy mounds, and are significant for being very much associated with Otherworldly beings and energies that can be fickle and unpredictable.

The apple, on the other hand, is often associated with the Otherworld in its most positive aspects. In fact, one of the Irish Otherworlds was named Eamhain Ablach, the Realm of Apples. It is one of the favored mythological foods throughout the Celtic islands, not unlike hazelnuts. Found on magical branches and eaten in Otherworldly feasts, the apple looms large in insular Celtic myth.

The complex of meanings surrounding this fid often point to intense frustration and even self-destructive activity. When it comes up in a reading, be careful of sudden changes in fortune or capricious individuals. It’s associated with bad luck and with psychological problems, but because of its linked association with clootie trees, there can also be an element of hope to this fid that h-Úath lacks. In divination, it can point to a situation of poverty or illness that is temporary, or to setbacks in a person’s life or situation.

Misfortune, frustration, poverty, illness, and bad luck are part and parcel of Ceirt’s chthonic current. A need for caution or retreat may manifest here, reflecting difficult physical or emotional circumstances. You may be approaching a situation with timidity, damaging yourself in the process. Look to the surrounding feda for clarification of your situation. When dealing with difficult people, malice may be involved; be sure it is not your own. Be very careful that you are not acting as your own worst enemy.

Linked Concepts: Poverty, illness, fleeing, retreat, madness, insanity, ill luck without total loss, psychological issues and problems, the hope for healing from illness or madness.

So I asked Tarot:  Where in my life am I frustrated? 9 of Cups, 4 of Swords + Prince of Pentacles R (DruidCraft)

DruidCraft 9 of Cups 53 DruidCraft Prince of Pentacles

So let’s see, I’m frustrated in having my wishes granted, getting some true rest and moving forward to manifest my goals and desires. Gee, isn’t that just grand! Okay I’m being facetious but the reality is that this is a pretty accurate description.

My wishes are fairly simply right not but not very likely to happen because I want my life back. That is just not in the cards right now. How appropriate that this fid is associated with frustration, misfortune and even madness because those words are an accurate description of how I feel right now. The lordly figure on this card seems to be celebrating his good fortune, surveying his wealth and gifts. I can’t do that right now. Not that I don’t have blessings (I do and I’m grateful for them). It’s simply that I can’t focus on them. It’s hard to appreciate the good things in your life when the frustrating, exhausting ones are more assertive.

The 4 of Swords points out that I’m frustrated because I feel as though I get no rest; not time to myself just to think. Meditation, study, even simply pondering life are difficult right now. I suppose it isn’t fair to say it’s impossible but it’s extremely challenging. I wish I had time to sit in the lea of a tree and think important thoughts.

The Prince of Pentacles reversed is reminding me that I’m frustrated by my own lack of progress. It’s one thing to be cautious and practical in one’s pursuits and endeavors. It’s another to be stuck in place and never move forward. I can’t shield or protect myself from what is going on in my life but that doesn’t meed things should stay at a standstill. That might be the most frustrating aspect of all.

I can’t say these frustrations are surprising. They reinforce what I already know. Assessing these frustrations with an impartial eye might help me figure out how to change them. I realize that won’t happen all at once but taking even a baby step will help change this dynamic and perhaps lessen some of this frustration.

These cards have also reinforced something that’s been bothering me lately – my tendency to avoid. I am starting to believe I’ve raised avoidance to an art form. I’ve always been a procrastinator. In fact throughout high school and college I was notorious for waiting until the last minute to complete assignments (unless I was working as part of a team). I always received good grades so the incentive to change this behavior just wasn’t there. My hubby used to joke that if I actually applied myself I’d have a 4.0 GPA. I just wasn’t that motivated to try any harder. AT my core, I think I’m rather lazy.

This laziness is a rut, a defense mechanism. If I don’t actually try anything then I can’t actually fail at it. It’s a ridiculous response to this situation but at the same time there is a certain logic to it. The problem with is that I still end up feeling like a failure. I am a smart, accomplished, caring and loving person. I can be funny and generous and I can be harsh and judgmental (in other words I’m perfectly human like everyone else). I need to find ways to motivate and inspire myself so that I break free of this rut and manifest the changes of which I know I’m capable.

DruidCraft Prince of Swords

I asked that Tarot one last question about this issue “How can I change this pattern?” and I drew the Prince of Swords. I need to harness my energies, make a plan and stick with it. Planning and follow through are going to be the keys to changing these frustrations. At the same time I need to embrace the messages I’ve received over the past few days about healing. I still have healing work to do on myself and I need to be careful not to beat myself up if things don’t change as quickly as I think they should. It’s a fine balancing act and one that will take effort and focus to achieve.

Yesterday I asked myself this question and drew the King of Vessels (Heron) from the Wildwood Tarot.  Today I asked “What else can I do?” and drew the 8 of Stones.  Here are my thoughts:

Wildwood King of Vessels

As soon as I saw this card I got the sense that I need to let the heron’s bill pierce my heart.  This card seems especially appropriate because I’ve felt the heron’s energy in my life lately.  We’ve been visited by one several times over the last few months.  He tends to visit when the weather is grey and rainy; a ghost barely visible in the misty day.

I looked up Heron in Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak and learned that it represents self-reliance and self-determination.  They also straddle boundaries to some degree – connecting with the earth and water at the same time.  Seeing this card appear in my reading made me think that I needed to embrace the Heron’s energy more in myself.

I don’t get the sense that my focus should be on manifesting this energy in the world or for others.  It’s about channeling it into myself.  Allowing my to embrace the Heron’s energies.  I have been self-reliant and self-determined for many years.  In fact I can get downright prickly about it.  Perhaps the Heron is reminding me to embrace these qualities in myself and suggesting I find ways to straddle some boundaries of my own.  I’m not sure how just yet but it’s pointing me in the right direction.

Wildwood 8 of Stones

This is about planning to me.  I need to take stock, assess my skills, interests and desires and then create a plan that will allow me to pursue them.  Now is not necessarily the time to take action, it’s the time to take stock.

I’ve already been doing that in small ways – weeding out clothes, books, music, even Tarot decks that I don’t need anymore.  It’s time to release some things into the world.  At the same time I need to bring in some new things.  I definitely need a new wardrobe (I haven’t bought anything new in some time).  Before I start on a buying binge I want to come up with a strategy so that I’ll know what I really need rather than falling prey to a pretty color.  Too often I just feel the urge to buy something and end up with items I’ll wear only once.  I don’t want to waste that kind of money anymore (I can’t waste that kind of money anymore).

I want to take stock of what I’m truly interested in manifesting in my life – what do I want to do with myself?  It’s been some time since I’ve even considered it and my previous path no longer holds any interest.  I don’t need to rush into anything but I do need to take time and make plans, prioritize and strategize before manifesting.

Tarot of Prague 5 of Wands Tarot of Prague 3 of Wands

Where am I weakest?  5 of Wands R (Prague)
Where am I strongest?  3 of Wands (Prague)

I am weakest in letting go and picking my battles.  Instead of being selective and focusing on which battles are important, I waste energy in futile and pointless struggles.  The 5 of Wands has always reminded me of a bunch of school kids engaged in mock battle.  Nothing is truly gained or lost but they enjoy tussling with each other.  As an adult, I no longer have the energy necessary to expend on these types of energy drains.  And yet I continue to do so.

I think the biggest energy drain and futile battle is the one to try to change the reality of my in-laws’ circumstances.  No matter how much I wish my mother-in-law would “snap out of it” that’s just not going to happen.  I also experienced this futile waste of effort when I kept acting as if I could start a business as a Tarot reader by sheer force of will.  The reality is that right now my time is not my own.  I don’t have the time or energy to devote to maintaining a website, promoting and marketing myself and actually providing services to clients.

On the positive side, I’m strongest in establishing projects that really take off.  Once I am able to channel all that creative energy I have inside, I think I’ll be able to see my ship come in and find success.  I think the 3 of Wands is also letting me know that I will find a way to build the partnerships and networks I need to achieve this success.

So my biggest challenge is accepting that sometimes the time is just not right for what I want to do.  Timing is everything and right now my energies need to be focused on my in-laws’.  I will have the time to focus on my goals, dreams and desires but now is just not the best time.  So rather than righting that reality, I might be better served by focus my energies on what I can achieve and using my energies in a more productive fashion.

BoS As Above 7 of AirBoS As Above 4 of Cups

The 7 of Air shows the coins of the I-Ching, an ancient Chinese oracle.  I’m familiar with it although I’ve never used it.  In the companion book Barbara explains that the Yin-Yang energy of the I-Ching should be the focus when this card appears.  It suggests that the question already has the answer in it.  In other words, I already know the answer to this and just need to focus on applying it.

The 4 of Cups reversed shows Brigid once again this time in her healer aspect.  She is holding a chalice towards me with her left hand and a small flame hovers above her right.  Whether I choose to accept the chalice is up to me.  However I get the sense that if I want to move forward and heal myself in this area I need to accept the chalice.

One of the things I’ve realizing from the cards I’ve pulled this week is that the past continues to influence my behaviors.  I may think I have left that behind and found healthier ways to deal with life but that’s just not the case.  These insidious and subversive patterns and embedded in my brain cells.  They can’t be rooted out until I acknowledge they exist and begin to take those steps to change them.

I have often written of knowing what I need to do and not doing it.  I think that is the answer to this question.  I can make a bulleted list of what will get me on track and remove these hindrances but I don’t do them.  This dysfunction is familiar to me and as the saying goes “better the devil you know”.  I’m hoping this devil and I have done our last dance.  I’m sure we’ll still occasionally partner up – we’ve been engaged in this little contretemps for a long time, but it’s time to change up the dance card.  Just because this devil knew me first doesn’t mean he knows me best.  I know I can do this, I can make these changes and stop repeating these patterns but first I need a cup of tea.

Tarot of the Crone 4 of Disks Crone Witch of Disks

Okay so this deck is offering me repeat messages that I may be incorrectly interpreting.  Yesterday I drew the 2 of Disks reversed and the Shadow of Disks – which were exactly the same two cards I drew the day before.  Today I once again drew the Witch of Disks paired with the 4 of Disks reversed.  I drew the Witch of Disks last week as well, although she was reversed in that appearance.

I’m realizing that I need to do some reassessing and reevaluating.  I think yesterday’s Shadow of Disks is a reminder that I need to get back to the bare bones of myself – who I am and what I what to do.  Looking at the Witch of Disks, I think she can help me achieve that goal.

The messages I’m receiving from the Tarot of the Crone seem to be pointing me to the realm of the Dark Goddess.  I realized as I spend time working with that deck that I am very comfortable with that energy and realm although I am not especially drawn to lunar energies.  I am a dark solar being – a black hole sun if you will.  The Lady on the Witch of Disks reminds me of the dark feminine energy portrayed with such power and beauty in the Dark Goddess Tarot.

The 4 of Disks reversed with its image of a 4-poster bed speaks to me of stability and security; the need to have a save place, a home base.  Right now I’m almost a prisoner of the house so it may be safe and stable but it’s not especially enjoyable.  The High Priestess painting hanging above the bed suggests I’ll find more answers by connecting with that energy as well.  I’ll eventually work this out for myself.  It make take longer than I’d like and perhaps the destination won’t be what I initially planned but I get the sense I’ll be pleased with the results.

Tarot of the Crone 2 of Disks Tarot of the Crone Shadow of Disks

The 2 of Disks is interesting in this deck because the image looks the same whether it is upright or reversed.  The only difference might be the focus of this card’s energy.  At first I rather had a simple message of maintaining balance and perhaps finding ways of partnering with others.  Then I had an amazing conversation with the wonderful Nancy Antenucci and during the conversation she pointed out that this card might refer to finding the balance between my left and right brains (which had come up during our chat).  Whenever I’ve taken self-administered tests to determine if I’m left-brain or right-brain focused the results are very close, almost evenly split.  I often find that my analytical brain battles my intuitive brain (for lack of better terms).  I can serve as the pathway between these two spheres.

And I once again drew the Shadow of Disks.  Quite a scary card – a wasteland.  It seems so desolate and barren; not a fun place to visit.  And yet many spiritual traditions have adherents journey into the wilderness or wasteland for a vision quest.  Even Jesus spend days in the desert by himself before he began his ministry.  My Wasteland might ultimately prove to be a path for me, a way to help others and be a spiritual helper for those who feel isolated, desolate and lost in the wilderness.

Maybe my Libra rising makes me a good connector, a bridge; someone who can help others find the balance between two extremes – solar/lunar, right-brained/left-brained, dark goddess/bright goddess, feminine/masculine.  Then again maybe I’m just blowing smoke up my own ass.  Time will tell.  I’ve always believed I was meant to make a difference in the world no matter how small.  Maybe this is my opportunity.

Ghosts & Spirits Queen of SwordsGhosts & Spirits King of Wands

The Banshee and Herne – quite a combo.  Can you imagine if they dated?  Okay, seriously seeing these two cards together was a bit jarring but they also fit different aspects of my personality.  Sometimes I see the court cards as representing other people in my life but this time I believe their reversed natures symbolize aspects of myself.

The Queen of Swords (Banshee) is powerful and a bit frightening.  She wails at the impending death of loved ones and warns us that something unpleasant is coming.  She is a harbinger of truth, regardless of how harsh.  I can see this representing me – I have been known to wail unpleasant truths to people.  Reversed, she can also point out that I need to start listening to that voice telling me unpleasant truths in my head.  There are things  I “know” are in my best interests and yet I avoid them.  Common sense, logic and knowledge combine to tell me I need to make changes and yet I resist.  I duck the matter and continue on my unhealthy path.  She is my brain shrieking to me that if I don’t get off the “drugs” (i.e. unhealthy foods), I’m going to destroy myself.  Of course this sounds more melodramatic than it is but the reality is that current unhealthy decisions will have long-term impact on my health when I’m a senior and by then it will be too late to fix things.

The King of Wands reversed is showing that I’m letting myself get twisted up and held back by patterns, habits and my own over-intellectualizing.  I also get the sense that I’m constraining my creative side and holding myself back.  What might happen if I break free?  If I finally convince myself to do the things are know are best for me?  Why am I so scared to do that?  I have no idea.

For most of my life I think I’ve been a re-actor.  I define or model myself based on reactions to what is going on around me.  Unfortunately this often means that when I’m encouraged to do something I resist with all my might.  Tell me I can’t do and I have to prove you wrong.  Maybe I’m an early, undiagnosed case of Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  I don’t have the answers right now but some interesting questions have now come up and I need to consider them.

Fairy Lights Queen of Swords Fairy Lights Magician

 

The Queen of Swords reversed – I guess it’s time to sheath my tongue and relax a bit; time to focus more on the nurturing and supportive aspects of my personality and less on the intellectual and more focused aspects. Or maybe that’s not it. Maybe what she’s trying to tell me is not about focusing on external matters. Instead she may be pointing out that I need to start communicating with myself, getting inside my own head.

The Magician reminds me that in order for me to control my world, to work the magic I seek in my life I must first work out some sort of arrangement with the Queen of Swords. It’s curious but looking at both images they seem to be wearing similar outfits – modified and whimsical ballet tutus. As I child I remember being disconsolate because my mother would not buy me a tutu. I had just signed up for ballet classes and had dreams of becoming a prima ballerina (well I don’t know if my dreams were that clear but I definitely wanted to be a princess ballerina and a princess ballerina needs a tutu!!). My mother still talks about the pleading I did in the department store begging her for a tutu. My grandmother even offered to buy it for me (my memory is that is was a rainbow colored little girl’s dream) but Mom turned down her offer.

Looking back I understand that there were many reasons I didn’t get that tutu, not the least of which was financial. However looking at these two images I am again reminded of the tutu denied. If the tutu represents my dreams then these two figures are reminding me that in order to attain my dream I need to be clear on what those dreams are and then work towards them. It’s not simply about donning the proper costume, you must also have the skills, focus and abilities to put it to good use. Even if I had gotten that rainbow tutu I would not have become a ballerina. I enjoyed taking dance classes and was a decent dancer but I never had the determination and drive necessary to be more than a decent amateur. However that doesn’t mean I can’t achieve other dreams; more realistic dreams. I simply need to clarify what they are and then focus and communicate with myself to see how I can manifest them in my life.

08 Illuminati 6 of Cups

 

I think these cards are a reminder that I can only do so much by myself. I think I’m reaching the limits of my strength and fortitude. I have endured and hung in there but I’m burning out. I’m still fighting the same battle and almost nothing external has changed. However I do think I’ve finally learned some useful techniques to deal with this situation.

Instead of trying to tame things and bend them to my will, I’ve become more flexible and fluid but I still prefer a slightly more organized, orderly and structured life. I like clear boundaries and they don’t exist in this situation.

The 6 of Cups points out that on one level I’m still seeing things through the eyes of the past, of memories & nostalgia. My mother-in-law will never again be the woman she was when I first met her. I have to stop reacting to her as though she is that woman. On another level it’s pointing out that our roles have been reversed. She has become the child in this relationship and we’ve become the parent. That is a difficult transition to navigate – for all of us.

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