#MeToo

I’ve been following the media coverage of Harvey Weinstein and resulting #MeToo campaign with a lot of interest over the past few days. It has clearly revealed that this is a conversation that has long needed to occur. Women already know just how many of us have been harassed, victimized, assaulted, marginalized and raped. Men are the ones who seem surprised by these numbers.

When I was attending John Jay College for my MA in forensic psychology, I once wrote a paper on rape & date rape. I looked at the psychological impact each had on survivors as well as how societal responses differed to both types of assault. In many instances, survivors of date rape expressed feeling more blamed and less support. They often blamed themselves and questioned whether they had “asked for it”. This mindset shows the fundamental misunderstanding we still face about rape – it has nothing to do with sex! Let me repeat that – RAPE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX! Harvey Weinstein isn’t a sex addict, he’s a sexual predator. He used sex to impose his will upon unwilling women. If rape is the result of a desire for sex then I would expect there to be no sexual assaults of those society has deemed no longer sexually viable or attractive. That does not appear to be the case.

I have no doubt that physical attractiveness can play a role in why someone has been put on a sexual predator’s radar but I don’t believe it’s because the predator wants sex. It’s because it fulfills some need in them to impose their will upon others, especially those who might be seen as a “catch” by society. I would bet that if one caught some of Hollywood’s male actors in a private moment, we might learn that they are just as harassed and preyed up on by those in power.

I will admit that by the time I completed that paper I was suspicious of all men and looked at them with rage. I’m rather impressed that I didn’t attack any men during that time period.

One of the reasons I had an interest in the topic of rape is because I have been raped, sexually harassed, hooted & hollered at as well as molested many times over the course of my life. I know how it feels to have people look at you as though you brought this upon yourself. I know what it feels like to think you did something wrong and your actions triggered the assault. I know how it feels to tell someone what happened to you and have them either disbelieve your or, worse, believe you and do nothing. I’ve been afraid to sleep in my own home because I wasn’t sure if I’d wake up to find my molester assaulting me again.

I’ve never been silent about these assaults. I might not share the details with everyone I know but I’m open about having been through these experiences. Many times I fought back, either verbally or physically. In my youth I was gifted with the nickname The Nutcracker because if boys touched me in ways I didn’t like (such as trying to cop a feel or snap a bra strap), I kicked them in the nuts. Needless to say I wasn’t very popular with the boys. When I first began working I experienced harassment from some of the men in charge. This ranged from the 60 year old warehouse manager who kissed me against my will when I was 13 to the “dirty old man” comments from a 60+ year old man when I was in my 30s (you know the type – “why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about what comes up”).

I tolerated the comments for a while because, while I wouldn’t say it was harmless, those types of comments didn’t seem threatening to me. At least not until I saw those same behaviors aimed at younger (in some cases adolescent) females. Then I began commenting. My responses ranged from subtle “jokes” about how apple seeds are poisonous and would be so easy to slip into someone’s food to statements about how “crazy” and violent my hubby could be to more straightforward comments like “you couldn’t get it up if you used a crane” or “if you touch me I’ll push you down the stairs”. These often got brushed off as jokes but they achieved the desired results. I was left alone. Unfortunately there wasn’t much I could do to stop it with other females. Too many laughed and treated it as a joke and the executive director was guilty of similar behaviors. I’d like to think that I made a difference but in truth I’m not sure.

I drew two Tarot cards from the Darkness is Light deck to get an idea what I should write my next blog post about (it has been a while since I’ve updated). I drew the 3 of Blades Rx and The Empress Rx. To me that spoke of sharing times I’ve felt betrayed, heart sore and hurt; times I’ve been left to fend for myself rather than being nurtured, cared for and protected. So here is it – as much as I hate to jump on bandwagons, #MeToo

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Seeing that goal in sight, getting close to manifesting your deepest desires is a wondrous feeling.  Be sure to enjoy it!
  • Building upon past successes can allow you to reach a pinnacle you hadn’t anticipated.
  • Life is filled with different types of achievements and successes; try to appreciate them all.  Sometimes it’s the lessons learned in the journey that is the true reward

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • You have the skills and talents necessary to make magic happen – use them before it’s too late.
  • Have confidence in your ability to be the change you want to see in the world.
  • Your will is the most powerful magic in the world.  Gather it, focus it, and release it.  You may find the results surprising.

#TarotDaily The Lovers, left (Dark Days Tarot)

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • Don’t let your passion for life disappear.  Make choices that keep life juicy.
  • Life is full of choices and resistance is futile.  Instead of putting off choices, try to focus on what will bring you joy and excitement
  • Allow yourself to experience the sensual and passionate elements of life.  Life is too short to let responsibilities and the expectations of others to pull us down a path that isn’t our choice.

#TarotDaily 10 of Cups (Dark Days Tarot)

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Family doesn’t end in blood. Honor all those you consider family.
  • Remember to celebrate milestones & achievements in life. It’s easy to dwell on setbacks and failures but focusing on our triumphs is more important.
  • Welcome new people to the table. There is comfort and ease with the familiar but new people bring new experiences, new ideas, the unknown; chances for us to grow and explore.

 

Like a lot of folks my age, I remember the media frenzy that was the Menendez brothers’ trial. I remember how the media swarmed when it was revealed that police suspected the brothers killed their parents motivated by greed and selfishness. I remember how I snickered along with most reporters, pundits, and comedians when the brothers’ claims of abuse were revealed. I remember watching as the Menendez brothers’ tears and breakdowns on the witness stand were mocked and mimicked *ad nauseum*. It became impossible to separate out the facts of the case from the media circus and mockery that surrounded it. Few people had any sympathy for these two privileged, rich boys who slaughtered their parents because they wanted money and freedom. The brothers were convicted. The media would periodically revisit the case near an anniversary and if there was a slow news day but that was it. Another media circus would pull into town to draw their attention and feed our relentless need for distraction and amusement.

The Menendez murders recently came back into mainstream attention due to the ABC documentary *”Truth and Lies: The Menendez Brothers — American Sons, American Murderers”*. While re-watching the media footage of Lyle Menendez on the stand as he broke down while admitting that not only had he been molested by their father but that he had molested his brother, my opinion about this case changed. Along with most people at the time, I refused to even consider that the brothers had been molested. I viewed it as an attempt to justify their actions and garner sympathy. I was unaware there was corroborating evidence supporting their claims of sexual abuse by their father. Even if I had been aware of it at the time, the odds are the I would have ignored it. With the passage of time and maturity on my part, I was more open to hearing facts of the case I’d previously ignored. In September, NBC will run a program entitled Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders. I have no idea what its focus will be but based on the ads, the trial will feature prominently.

Watching the documentary made me reconsider my beliefs about the Menendez brothers’ motivation for murdering their parents. The reality is that in most of the cases with which I’m familiar, abuse played a starring role for the child’s actions. I’m not taking a stance on whether such actions are justifiable, simply interested in trying to gain some insight into what pushed these brothers over the edge and led to the murders.

Using the Dark Days Tarot, I drew three cards to acquire some insight into this situation and pulled the 3 of Cups (tilted left – which subtle impacts the cards meaning in this deck), 2 of Swords and 4 of Cups. I studied these cards for a while because I am not familiar with this deck and began to realize that despite the celebrating that appears to be going on in the 3 of Cups, its leftward tilt makes me feel that things were not as they seemed. There was no celebration and joy inside this family, it was an act put on for observers. I don’t know any more about Joe and Kitty Menendez than was revealed on the ABC documentary. It certainly made the father out to be a driven, successful, Type A personality who had a history of infidelity. The mother, Kitty, is portrayed as either complicit in her husband’s abuse of the boys or deliberately obtuse. I’ve often thought this might explain why the brothers killed their mother as well as their father. If the father abused the brothers and the mother did nothing to protect them, their rage towards her must have been just as consuming.

While I make no claims to having gained much additional insight into the Menendez brothers decision, this reading does seem to at least reinforce my belief in their claims there was sexual and emotional abuse in this family. While it might not excuse murdering their parents, it does make more sense than simple greed. I realize greed is a major motivation for many murders but killing one’s parents takes things up a notch. Even the most abused child will often cling to the abusive parent. For the Menendez brothers to be driven to take such dramatic action, I have to believe more than greed was involved. Of course, your mileage may vary and others may draw very different interpretations from these cards but this is my interpretation and I’m sticking with it.

TarotHunter’s Salt Rounds:

  • New projects and collaborations may help you refine your skills and enhance your experience
  • Working with others allows us to teach as well as learn
  • Be careful not to let self-doubts and fears undermine your confidence in your abilities.  You have knowledge and experience to share with others, don’t let inner demons stifle you.

#TarotCotD – 2 of Wands

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets

  • Creative energy requires an outlet, which path will lead you to the one best suited to you skills?
  • Trust your instincts.  Sometimes your first reaction is the best choice.
  • If you prefer not to go it alone find a partner.  Make sure you have similar goals and passions or you’ll be pulling in different directions.

My youngest brother has been imprisoned and I need to save him.  I’m not sure where he is but I’m afraid he’s being tortured and hurt and it’s driving me a little crazy.  What can we (my brother Sam and me) do to help Adam and free him from this situation? – Dean Winchester

Hi Dean,

Thank you so much for entrusting me to do this reading for you.  I’m so sorry to hear about this situation with your youngest brother and I will do what I can to answer your question.  I pulled three cards in answer to your query:

What is Adam’s current situation?  6 of Pentacles reversed suggests that Adam might not need your help.  He might not where you fear that he is.  Looking at the figure on this card I am struck by the sense that he is moving towards the sun, the light above his head. He’s moving towards something, not being held in place.

Factors influencing this situation?  2 of Pentacles reversed – I believe this card reflects your own sense of being off-balance and out of sync.  You feel guilty about this situation and are carrying that weight on your shoulders.  As a result you’re off your game.

Next best move?  3 of Cups suggests that what you really need to do is celebrate.  Maybe these three figures represent you and your brothers.  Perhaps Adam is already free and now you can celebrate that fact. 

†***********†***********†**********†**********† 

Adam Milligan is the half-brother of Sam & Dean Winchester, the result of a relationship their father had with Kate Milligan while on a hunt.  Sam & Dean did not learn of Adam’s existence until Season 4 and by then it’s too late.  Adam is brought back into their lives when the angels try to use Adam as Michael’s vessel because Dean refuses to be.  At this point we learn that Winchester bloodline is what allows them to act as hosts for archangels – Dean was created to be Michael’s perfect vessel and Sam was created to be Lucifer’s perfect vessel.  Adam Milligan or John Winchester might be acceptable but imperfect substitutes.  

Adam is believed to be in a cage in Hell trapped with Michael the archangel and Lucifer.  However, I believe that while Adam’s body might be in Hell, his soul already ascended into Heaven.  According to Castiel, an angel, in Season 10, when a vessel (a host body used by an angel) is destroyed its original inhabitant’s soul is released.  Adam’s body was destroyed in the Season 5 finale by a Molotov cocktail using holy oil (which can fry angels “extra crispy”).  His body is brought backed with Michael now inhabiting it but it is my belief that Adam’s soul remained in Heaven.  Once he gave permission for Michael to inhabit his body, I don’t believe his soul was needed anymore.  So Adam’s soul is not trapped in the Cage the way Sam’s was, so he does not need to be saved.

If you’d like to learn more about the show visit the Supernatural Wiki

You can also watch all 12 seasons of the show on Netflix.  

Sheila O’Malley also offers some amazing recaps on episodes from the first three seasons (well she’s working on Season 3).  I highly recommend reading them!!.

TarotHunter’s Silver Bullets:

  • Learning new skills keeps us vibrant and active.  What new skill have you always wanted to learn?  What’s stopping you now?
  • Gaining new skills and creating new things can add a sense of accomplishment to our lives, especially when others recognize them.
  • Believing we’re worthy of being the focus of someone’s attention can make us feel valued and seen.  It can also help heal our soul and kill those loud inner demons by shining a bright light on their lies and purifying us.
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