Archive for August, 2011

 

The first thing that struck me about this card is the message the Facebook does not emotionally nurture me.  Which is very true.  It does provide a relatively easy way for me to keep in touch with friends and family.  However, it also gives the false illusion of a plethora of friends.  I regularly receive friend requests from people I don’t know.  If I haven’t met them in person at some point or if I haven’t interacted with them via a mailing list or online group, then I don’t accept the request.  I’m not trying to be harsh but I am not one of those who feel that a high number of friends on Facebook means anything.

Actually if anything I can come to realize that Facebook, and other social networks, simply provide me with a quick and easy way to kill time and avoid doing the things I should be doing.  So in that respect it’s not fulfilling or nurturing me on an emotional level either.  It’s become a bit of an energy drain; a dream sucker.  Instead of focusing my energies outwards, I’ve been focusing them online.  Neither a healthy nor a useful approach to anything.

So ultimately, while I won’t stay off Facebook completely, I have come to realize that I don’t need it.  I know a lot of folks recommend using it for marketing your small business.  I’ve considered that and realize that the type of customers I might attract that way are probably not the kind of customers I really want anyway.  I don’t feel the same emotional connection to people I don’t know in “real time”.  I’m sure this is not unique to me.  And perhaps I was also using this as an excuse not to move forward on establishing myself as a professional Tarot reader.  I focused on the extraneous issues such as marketing, blog, etc. rather than on putting it out there to the Universe that I was ready to do this.  I’m finally starting to take baby steps in that direction and I think that will fulfill my emotional needs more than playing around on the Internet.

In think on another level the reversed Queen of Cups is showing me that I’m not trusting my own intuition and listening to my instincts.  I’ve known for a bit now that all of the focus on this marketing and social networking wasn’t the right path for me.  It doesn’t mean it’s not useful and worthwhile just not where I am right now.  It may become more of a focus somewhere down the road but I’m just not there yet.  And I think Facebook has been allowing me to avoid facing this fact.

So going forward I will continue to blog (although not as frequently) and hang on Facebook to chat with friends and keep up with those about whom I care.  However I am not using it for marketing purposes (at least not right now).  I have to trust in my instincts that this isn’t the right move for me right now.  I can always revisit it in the future but right now all it’s doing is making it more stressful to be online at all.

On sabbatical

I have decided that I need some unplugged time.  I’ve been spending too much time hanging around Facebook and other online sites and not enough focusing on what I want to do with my life.

 

I also need to reconsider this blog and how I’ll proceed going forward.  My card of the day essays are becoming more of a chore than something exciting and enjoyable.  I want to update this blog because I have something wonderful to share with folks rather than because I have to.  Tarot means to much to me to become just another chore.

 

So I’ll be back soon.  Hopefully you won’t miss me too much.

COTD – 5 of Pentacles R (Fey & Gendron)

 

Looking at the images on both these cards, I do not get the traditional message of financial hardship or physical want.  In fact on the Fey 5 of Pentacles I get a sense of keeping the wolf at bay.  The figures are snuggled inside a shelter with a golden, glowing orb hovering overhead while a large, dark, shadowy figure hovers outside.  On the Gendron 5 of Pentacles a nude woman and a shadowy nude woman seem to be worshipping 5 pentacles embedded in the trunk of a tree.  The pentacles seem vague and shadowy too, as though they do not truly exists.  Are these cards suggesting that the security and solidness I believe exists around me is in reality an illusion?

If I wanted to get all physical with the issue (meaning quantum physics), I suppose that could be true.  I’ve read about theories that propose that nothing is actually solid; that we are all vibrating particles that intersect at various points but do not hold concrete existence (or at least that was my understanding).  It reminds me of the puzzler about a tree falling in the woods – if no one is there to hear it does it make a sound.  My brain says ‘of course it makes a sound” but if in reality someone needs to be there to perceive the sound in order for it to manifest itself, then I’m not so sure.

So on some level this card is about manifesting the illusion or perception into reality.  If the illusion is one of poverty and want, then that is what we manifest.  If, however, the illusion is one of warmth, comfort and solidity then that is what is manifested for us.  A friend and I have been talking about scarcity mentality lately.  We both experienced childhoods that involved lots of down time on the fiscal front – lots of scrimping and saving and very little left for anything beyond the barest of essentials.  What we both have experienced is how we still react the same way now, even when that type of scarcity is unlikely.  I’ve heard the expression “shaking your security tree”, well anything that even remotely smacks of poverty or fiscal hard times sends me into a hoarding tizzy.  I feel like  squirrel storing up nuts against the hard times ahead.  It also makes it very difficult for me to share with folks.  I can sometimes experience bouts of generosity and give things away but more often I cling to them like Daffy Duck in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon shouting “mine, mine, mine”.  I love the sense I feel when I have given something to someone they will truly enjoy.  It makes me feel warm and fuzzy whereas clinging to it (when I no longer want or need it) makes me feel like a bloated tick.

Thinking about this card today I realize that although I am experiencing some fiscal challenges right now, we are not at a poverty crisis mode.  I may not be able to splurge but I can still allow myself the occasional treat.  And we are both (hubby and I) working towards improving the situation somewhat.  So how I handle this is up to me.  I can either allow myself to feel the golden glow and security that is available or I can focus all my energies on that shadowy figure in the window and worry about him getting me.  It’s my mindset that needs to change in order to improve the situation.

COTD – The Magician R (Fey & Gendron)

 

Ironically enough as soon as I saw The Magician turn up reversed, my initial response was that I can’t situations and people bend to my will.  I can’t make them obey my commands.  It just doesn’t work that way.  After yesterday’s arguments with the hubby, I realized that sometimes my approach to those type situations does not yield the desired results.  I may be able to control certain factors in my life but other people do not tend to be one of them.

On the other hand, I can certainly control how I react and my approach to dealing with such situations.  Looking at The Magus from the Gendron Tarot I was struck by how radiant and brilliant she appears.  She calls to me in a way the High Priestess never has because she seems active and assertive; taking control of the situation and manipulating it to her desires.  Of course here she has appeared reversed which suggests that either she cannot control or manipulate this situation or that what needs to be controlled or manipulated is an internal process or attitude.  Considering how things have been going for me lately, I’m going for the later option.

So then what internal processes or attitudes do I need to control?  There are a few selections that immediately come to mind.  The first is my self-defeating attitude, the second is my aggressive approach to interpersonal relationships and the third (although by not means the last) is how I react first and think later.  The self-defeating attitude is the one that I’m most concerned with right now simply because it is negatively impacting my ability to get started on my professional pursuits.  If I had a magic wand, I’d wave it over myself to just whisk it all away.  Of course reality is never quite that simple or easy.  So I have to do the work.  The first step would be to actually listen to all these damn marketing and business related podcasts I have.  I seem to be collecting them at a rapid pace but not actually using them.  Of course I also have to be careful not to fall into my usual pattern of paralyzing myself through over-intellectualizing the process.  Some things I can learn from tapes or books or the advice of others but much of it has to be learned by simply doing it.  Experience is the best teacher and it’s a teacher I’ve been avoiding like the plague.

The other two things are basically two halves of one whole.  Instead of being so aggressive and assertive all the time, it might benefit me to learn how to temper my responses to things.  What I need to control and manipulate is my own responses to aggravating situations.  Sometimes I think that I can argue things back to normal but all that accomplishes is fanning the flames of the fire.  In reality it’s a nonsensical approach but the truth is that a rational response to ridiculous circumstances is sometimes beyond me.  I often think that logic will win the day when in many cases it’s the persuasiveness of the parties involved that does.  When it comes to personal arguments and disagreements, it’s easy to forget that the triggering issue is often masking a deeper problem and trying to rationally and calmly discuss it in the middle of an argument rarely works – at least not for me.  So these are some issues on which I need to work.  Obviously we are talking about a long term project but I think I can handle it.

 

For some reason The High Priestess is a card with which I feel only a minimal connection.  She always struck me as passive and very “yin”.  I have a hard time embodying these traits and on some level they actually antagonize me.  That’s possibly a very odd reaction for a Tarot reader to have.  She is often seen to symbolize the hidden mysteries.  She is the guardian of the pathway to the unknown; the secrets hidden from the uninitiated.  At the same time I have a strong aversion to secrets, even ones that are secret because they might be abused by folks.  She watches the gateway and tests those who would pass beyond.  Maybe I’m afraid that I would not pass the test and that’s why I’m a wary of her energies.

My aversion to The High Priestess may also stem from her connection to meditation, inner work and other navel gazing activities.  Although I have moments of introspection and can be fairly clear about my “issues”, I do not necessarily want to spend a lot of time meditating on them or contemplating them.  At the same time I can spend hours talking with a close friend about things like that.  Perhaps that is how I need to view the High Priestess – as a friend who will listen to all my issues and not judge.

On a personal note I realized that The High Priestess is also a symbol that I need to back off.  A friend once shared one of the Four Agreements (from the book of the same name) is “it’s not personal”.  When she said it my initial reaction was “of course it’s personal”, but when she explained it in more detail I got it and realized it does make sense.  Unfortunately I forget that principle yesterday while dealing with my hubby.  When he became irritating about something minor, instead of letting it go because it wasn’t personal, it wasn’t about me it was about him, I flared up and the battle was joined.  This lead to a day long aggravation fest full of little digs and petty arguments.  Had I taken a more High Priestess approach and taken a step back and distanced myself from the drama, it might have quickly died down and petered away.  Live and learn.  Hopefully the next time a similar incident occurs, I’ll be able to take a less aggressive more receptive stance and be a bit more understanding and less challenging.  I’m not sure that possible but I can at least give it a try.

 

Looking at these Kings of Swords, both seem like confident, almost arrogant men.  They are impartial, logical, clear-thinking and intellectual.  Their approach to decision making is not based on sentiment or bias.  Sometimes that actually means their decisions and actions are not seen as fair by those around them.  They are sometimes perceived as cold and unemotional.  However in reality the King of Swords may feel emotions deeply but he does not allow them to sway his decision or actions.  In many ways I embody these aspects of the King of Swords.  I sometimes seem harsh and judgmental (okay let’s be fair, I sometimes am harsh and judgmental) because I and focusing on logic and intellect rather than emotions and sympathy.

For today the King of Swords is reversed which suggests that it’s time to downplay those energies and not let them influence today.  This is especially appropriate because I did a ritual for Lughnasadh today as well as a spell for bringing money into my life.  I’ve always felt that in order for magic to work you have to believe.  If you’re approach to such matters is overly intellectual and logical, this will interfere with the magical energies and undermine the working.  At the same time I think it is beneficial to take a logical and organized approach to preparing for the ritual and spell working.  So the King of Swords energy is helpful but it must be tempered in order that it not taint the results.

Sometimes I think the King of Swords has lost his ability to have fun.  He is somewhat rigid; constrained by his role and responsibilities.  Spontaneity might undermine his authority or make him a less effective ruler.  At the same time, those energies are the ones that allow us to effectively master tasks and skills, organize, communicate effectively and reason through various situations.  It is that side of us that prevents us from descending into chaos when crises occur.  Today I didn’t need to be in crisis mode,  just be a bit organized and effectively communicate my needs, wishes and desires to the Universe and myself.  It’s amazing sometimes how difficult it can be to convince yourself that you deserve something good in life.  I think I was able to do that today.

 

Today was definitely a 3 of Cups kind of day.  My sister came up with 3 of her kids to visit and pick up my mom.  We had a good time joking around and talking and just enjoying the day.  There was a sense of fun and silliness in the air.  It was that simple and that meaningful.

I realized that although I might not always understand or agree with my sister’s choices, I want to make sure we don’t lose our connection and that she feels she can talk to me.  I know that sometimes I’m not the most sympathetic or understanding person in the world.  I think I need to be more open and supportive.  I need to be more aware of when and how people need emotional support rather than lectures.

On a more personal note, I realize that the last few days have been a lot of fun.  I’m a bit tired but in a very good mood.  It feels as though something shifted, either in myself or in the world.  It might not be a major shift but just enough to make me feel better about the future.  Perhaps it’s because some of my dreams are getting closer to manifestation.  I do feel a bit like a cup getting ready to bubble over as though there is just too much going on to contain it.  It will be interesting to see where this goes.

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