Archive for November, 2011

 

While considering this card’s message to me today I thought about how I view The Empress.  I’ve often considered her to represent the primal female energy – that nurturing, supportive and protective energy that allows life to flourish and flora to bloom.  I’ve often seen her to represent that feminine essence that is a bit gentler, more intuitive and less structured.  She is about creating communities and encouraging growth.  And while I respect the Empress’ energies, they are not ones with which I am always comfortable working.  However we have come to an understanding between us. and she has appeared reversed several times as my card of the day.  So I have to wonder what it is about her nature when she’s reversed that I need to consider.

As I was taking care of my elderly mom-in-law it struck me that I have been knee-deep in the Empress’ reversed energies.  If she is the one who nurtures, nourishes and supports the growth of new life, then she must also be involved in nurturing and supporting those who are reaching the end of their journey; helping them deal with the aging process and preparing to move on to the next phase.  It is her energies that allow adult children to care for their parents – dealing with such tasks as preparing their food to dressing them to changing their diapers.  Depending upon the situation, the elderly parent becomes dependent upon his/her adult children and their roles are now reversed.  That seems quite an apt expression of the reversed nature of the Empress’ energies and ones with which I am intimately acquainted.

So despite my best efforts to avoid the energies of the Empress, I have found myself swimming in them up to my neck and to be perfectly honest I am glad I have the ability to serve in this capacity for my mother-in-law.  She spent many years of her life functioning as mother to her sons, especially her deaf and mentally disable d son.  Now she cannot do it anymore and many of those tasks have fallen to me.  Hopefully I can help make these final years as positive and loving as I am able.  I’m glad I was able to find this connection to the Empress in my life.

Feeling a bit listless and non-juicy

I think I’m feeling a bit under siege right now.  My time is simply not my own and I’m not dealing with it well.  I also feel directionless and the longer I feel the way, the less I feel any urgent need to change things.  That’s not good and it’s certainly not my usual approach to things.  I can be disorganized and sometimes lazy but I’m rarely passive.  I detest being passive; it makes me feel too much like a victim.  I’ve had enough of that feeling in my life so I need to figure out how to move passed this.

The Mystic Dreamer 8 of Wands shows a woman kneeling at the water’s edge as 8 wands are flying towards her.  She look looking in the other direction and appears unaware of the wands.  In the distance a small white object is visible.  It reminds me of a ship sailing towards her.  The Mansions of the Moon 8 of Wands shows a woman blowing bubbles.  Each bubble holds a something wondrous – a castle, a unicorn, a butterfly.  It’s as though she is taking the energy created by the 8 Wands surrounding her and releasing back to the Universe.  That appeals to me.  The image on the Mystic Dreamer card makes me feel under attack almost.  It’s as though the Universe is throwing things at me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, change it or embrace it because I don’t even see it coming.  The Mansions of the Moon 8 of Wands is a bit more active; she’s taking the situation and transforming it to suit her needs and inclinations.  And I think that is what I need to do for myself right now.  Instead of just waiting for things and then reacting to them, I need to get more assertive and aggressive in pursuing what I want.  Of course that would require work and right now I’m in a clear energy lull.  I’m letting myself get sucked into a pit of despair and I hate it.

The Ace of Pentacles offers the insight that perhaps I need to start looking beneath the surface at what seeds need to be planted in order to manifest the reality I want.  Both images look like seeds germinating under ground.  They will eventually burst forth in verdant growth but first they need to be carefully tended and nurtured.  That is where I always stumble.  I’m sometimes impatient and not good at tending my own garden.  Eventually some beautiful things may burst forth but it tends to be haphazard with a lot of weeds thrown in for good measure.  I love some weeds so I don’t see the need to pull them all out but I’d still like my plants to bloom and flourish.  In order for that to happen I have to do some work.  Ick!  I am feeling very resistant to that right now and I know why – because if I never do the work then I always have the potential for success but if I do the work and fail that would be upsetting.

I have a bad habit of focusing my energies on things which come easy to me such as academics.  Which makes sense why I’ve drawn the King of Sword reversed three times this month.  The Universe is telling me that I’ve already achieved mastery in that area (literally – I have two masters degrees) and it’s time to explore new territory, to chart unfamiliar terrain.  I just need to take that first step.  I know I will eventually become impatient and aggravated enough with myself to move forward.  Right now I’m just sort of stuck in neutral and bellyaching that the car won’t move.

 

This is the second day in a row I’ve drawn a swords card and the third time this month; and two have been reversed.  I think this is a message that I need to stop living in my head, intellectualizing and relying on book knowledge over my own inner knowledge.  I’ve always been more comfortable with book knowledge because it seems more reliable, more authentic somehow and it’s certainly more objective and less subject to being “wrong”.  For most of my life I’ve had a horror of being wrong and focusing my energies on expressing myself in a swords-like manner has helped me avoid that.  If I can quote precedents, articles, research and other academic materials then I can’t be “wrong”.  I might have misinterpreted data but that doesn’t carry the same emotional punch for me.

The King of Swords – in fact all the Swords court, have served me well in my professional and academic life.  Balanced by my Wands nature, I’ve been able to at least be viewed by others as warm and funny and not overly pompous and intolerable.  However when it comes to reading Tarot cards and working with people in that capacity, then my know-it-all approach fails miserably.  People want someone who can be sympathetic and help them work though their issues not learn the history of Tarot cards.  Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit – I don’t tell querents the history of the cards but I probably do give them a bit more info about their meanings than they really want to know.  I know this is because my inner critic kicks in and I get nervous and scared.  I need to learn to trust my instincts and let them tell me what the querent needs to hear rather than pontificating on the meanings of the cars.  It’s like explaining how to conjugate verbs in Spanish rather than telling somehow how to say a phrase in Spanish.  It’s not that either is wrong but it depends upon what the person seeking the information wants.

So I think what I’ve been ignoring is the fact that the King of Swords part of my nature is helpful and useful but I need to be more judicious in how I express it.  The King of Swords might be appropriate to manifest in academic or professional settings but when I’m working with peoples’ emotional issues and life challenges then I think it’s time for a judicious combination of my inner Queens of Wands and Cups with a bit of the Queens of Pentacles and Swords thrown in. for balance.  My pattern has been a bit unbalanced with a preponderance of Swords and a touch of Wands.  It’s time to realign myself and find my way to express my Queen of Cups.  I also need to accept that it will be different than how others express it.  At my core I will always be more at home and comfortable with Wands and Swords energy but I have come to appreciate my Pentacles and Cups nature as well.  Now is time to let the King of Swords take a bit of a vacation and let my other aspects shine.

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