Archive for August, 2013

Fairy Lights Queen of Swords Fairy Lights Magician

 

The Queen of Swords reversed – I guess it’s time to sheath my tongue and relax a bit; time to focus more on the nurturing and supportive aspects of my personality and less on the intellectual and more focused aspects. Or maybe that’s not it. Maybe what she’s trying to tell me is not about focusing on external matters. Instead she may be pointing out that I need to start communicating with myself, getting inside my own head.

The Magician reminds me that in order for me to control my world, to work the magic I seek in my life I must first work out some sort of arrangement with the Queen of Swords. It’s curious but looking at both images they seem to be wearing similar outfits – modified and whimsical ballet tutus. As I child I remember being disconsolate because my mother would not buy me a tutu. I had just signed up for ballet classes and had dreams of becoming a prima ballerina (well I don’t know if my dreams were that clear but I definitely wanted to be a princess ballerina and a princess ballerina needs a tutu!!). My mother still talks about the pleading I did in the department store begging her for a tutu. My grandmother even offered to buy it for me (my memory is that is was a rainbow colored little girl’s dream) but Mom turned down her offer.

Looking back I understand that there were many reasons I didn’t get that tutu, not the least of which was financial. However looking at these two images I am again reminded of the tutu denied. If the tutu represents my dreams then these two figures are reminding me that in order to attain my dream I need to be clear on what those dreams are and then work towards them. It’s not simply about donning the proper costume, you must also have the skills, focus and abilities to put it to good use. Even if I had gotten that rainbow tutu I would not have become a ballerina. I enjoyed taking dance classes and was a decent dancer but I never had the determination and drive necessary to be more than a decent amateur. However that doesn’t mean I can’t achieve other dreams; more realistic dreams. I simply need to clarify what they are and then focus and communicate with myself to see how I can manifest them in my life.

Fairy Lights Tarot Emperor Fairy Lights High Priestess

 

The Emperor crossed by The High Priestess – so does this mean my inner empire building is crossed by my inner temple guardian? Nah, that’s a bit too glib (although not necessarily inaccurate). The Emperor represents the benefits of being in control, in charge, the head honcho. It also represents the responsibility and obligations that go along with such power. For a great ruler, it’s not merely about satisfying your own personal needs and goals. It’s also about caring for those who follow you, protecting those who are weaker than you and ensuring that the powerful don’t trod upon the peasants. How sad that we have so few leaders who actually embody this archetype in its most positive aspects.

The High Priestess is the guardian of the hidden mysteries. She knows the way but may choose not to give you directions. She is able to look into your soul and determine whether you’re ready to peer behind the veil. She can read you like a book. This can be a huge responsibility because if she allows somehow who is unready or unworthy to see what lies beyond, it might cause damage to that person’s psyche. It might be too much for her to assimilate or she might use the knowledge acquired in negative ways.

So The Emperor is letting me know that if I want to build something stable and solid in my life, I need to remember that it will require responsibility, determination and steadfastness. He’s also reminding me that everything comes with a price. The more concrete and grounded things gets, the more rooted you become, the less mobile and flexible you can be. As we acquire things, responsibilities and stature, we are less able to maneuver quickly and make changes.

The High Priestess reminds me that sometimes spiritual knowledge and enlightenment can be blocked by having too many things, too much stuff. When we are too stable, too set and too grounded it can be difficult to make the necessary changes to acquire knowledge and see beyond the veil. It may be a reminder that focusing too much on stuff, having things and building a stable foundation, I may also discover that my spiritual work gets sidetracked. These two areas in life may not be mutually exclusive but it requires a lot of effort to balance between the two.

Fairy Lights Knigt of Pentacles Fairy Lights Chariot

 

I love this Knight of Pentacles. He is charging forward on a rampant lion, ready to do battle. He is fully covered by his armor; practicality and safety always foremost in his mind even when he’s saving the world. He and the lion move as one being; perfectly in sync with each other.

The Knight of Pentacles has always reminded me of my hubby. He is very solid and practical and reliable but when he is passionate about something he becomes so focused that nothing stands in his way. He may charge into the fray but he doesn’t do so in a heedless or risky manner. He is methodical and careful. Reversed this card may be letting me know that these are traits I may need to cultivate but right now I’m not utilizing them to the best of my ability. In fact I may even be blocking them from manifesting.

The Charioteer is riding along the top of a wave reining in two orbs blasting out rays of light. If they are horses, they are not visible as such. The Charioteer seems to have achieved balance between controlling these orbs and allowing them to have their head. There seems to be a trust implicit in this relationship. The Charioteer trusts that the orbs will take him where he needs to go, even if he doesn’t realize that is his destination.

So if I combine these two cards, then I take their message to be that I need to learn how to harness my fiery energy in a practical, methodical way that will allow me to become the charioteer in my own life. If I want to steer the course of my life or at least feel that I’m going in the right direction, then I need to become more effective at harnessing my energy, passion and creativity in a grounded and practical way.

Fairy Lights Knave of Swords Fairy Lights King of Wands

{-QOTD – What guidance can you offer me today?-} Page of Swords R (Fairy Lights Tarot)
{-QOTD – What might enhance or modify this guidance?-} King of Wands(Fairy Lights Tarot)

As soon as I saw these cards appear today I was struck by the sense they were about my mother-in-law and myself.

I see the Page of Swords reversed as my mother-in-law in her current state. Her mental faculties are slowly deteriorating. No matter how much I wish it were not the case, the strong-willed, sharp tongued woman I knew has become a querulous, frightened old woman. She still has moment of mental acuity but for the most part she will never be able to live independently.

The King of Wands is me. No matter how much will or energy I try to exert over this situation, no matter how much I try to master it, I have no control. There is nothing I can do to stop this process anymore. The only course I have left is to harness my energy and work to make her remaining time comfortable and easier.

This message is further enhanced by the pairs the deck creator assigned to these cards. The Page of Swords is paired with the 8 of Cups. This reinforces the message that the mom-in-law is slowly moving away from us on her own journey. We can’t join her and we can’t stop her. The King of Wands partner is the 6 of Pentacles – it’s my turn to give to her because she’s not able to give to us or anyone else right now. That’s where my energies need to be focused.

This is a rather melancholy message but somehow it’s comforting too. Or at least it has the benefit of reinforcing what I already felt to be true in my heart.

Fairy Lights 4 of Wands Fairy Lights King of Swords

 

{-QOTD – What guidance can you offer me today?-} 4 of Wands (Fairy Lights Tarot)
{-QOTD – What might enhance or modify this guidance?-} King of Swords R (Fairy Lights Tarot)

The 4 of Wands in this deck is a rather odd interpretation of this card. It shows someone who appears to be wearing a bird mask standing by a bird nest holding a large egg. A large bird is flying away from him. Is he giving the egg to the bird or stealing it from her? I’m not sure. Considering that the bird cannot see him, I’d have to guess that the masked person is stealing the egg. Although I must give him credit for having courage – the bird could easily swoop back and catch him in the act.

Maybe the masked person is trying to build a nest egg; using the giant egg as the foundation for a happier life. Of course it raises the question of what is the true price of a nest or home built upon theft and/or deception? The partner to this card is The Emperor (who showed up for me 2 days ago). Again I get the sense of creating a solid foundation upon which to build a future. I suppose it’s possible that the person with the egg worked out some sort of arrangement with the bird. If so then at least her actions are not unethical or deceptive.

I think this card’s message to me is that it’s okay to steal time for myself. It’s alright to keep some things for me and to focus on my needs. The current situation is one that exhausts the body and spirit. If I don’t find ways to recharge my batteries and enjoy myself then I’ll become bitter and resentful (moreso).

The King of Swords reversed is my intellectual super-critic sniping at me. What a bad girl I am for wanting time to myself! How could I be so selfish and self-centered? The fact that his partner card is the Queen of Pentacles reinforces this – I should give until it hurts, put the needs of others far above my own. This is just not natural for me and I’m having a difficult time dealing with being a full-time caregiver. I need to find a way to shut this critic up and do what I need to do.

Fairy Lights Ace of Wands Fairy Lights Hanged Man

{-QOTD – What guidance will you offer me today?-} Ace of Wands R (Fairy Lights Tarot)
{-QOTD – What might modify or enhance this guidance?-} The Hanged Man (Fairy Lights Tarot)

My initial take on this reading is that my energetic and creative side is still there but more inwardly focused right now. Now isn’t the time to explore new external projects or passions. This makes sense because rather than tapping into my fiery/swordsy energy I’m forced (by circumstances) to hone my earthy/cuppy nature. Believe me this is incredible difficult and has proven to have quite a high learning curve for me.

The Hanged Man is telling me to relax, now is not the time to fight Fate or the inevitable. Slow down, explore the view from up here and allow it to change my perspective on things. My natural inclinations are to act first and think later. In this situation that is a pointless endeavor.

The way things are in my life right now I’m being forced to slow down; to tone down the energy and franticness. They are useless. Instead I am learning to accommodate myself to the slower pace of an elderly person. There is no rushing in her world because time has no meaning. For someone who has always felt the need for “places to go and people to meet” that is a dramatic shift. I sometimes feel like banging my head against the walk in frustration but I’m slowly (very slowly) finding some balance.

Looking at these cards also speaks to me of growth and creative energies percolating beneath the surface. The Ace of Wands grows in a dark, night-time world. That tells me that even when attention isn’t being paid to my efforts, they still matter and have value. Things are germinating and not yet ready for the light of day but they are there. Despite my frustration and feelings of stagnation, this is a sign that there is energy and growth underneath. The Hanged Man shows a figure in a cocoon struggling to break free and that reinforces the sense that I’m in stasis right now but things will change. The me that will emerge will be transformed and hopefully evolved and enlightened too.

It is a hopeful message (or at least I’m interpreting it that way) and gives me a sense of anticipation and a more positive outlook on my life.

Fairy Lights Tarot Hierophant Fairy Lights Tarot Emperor

 

{-QOTD – What message do you have for me today?-} The Hierophant R (Fairy Lights Tarot)
{-QOTD – What factors might block or modify this message?-} The Emperor R (Fairy Lights Tarot)

Again! Two Major Arcana cards although this time they’re in reverse sequence. The Hierophant (which happens to be my birth card) and The Emperor (my nemesis for many years). Both are reversed so I don’t think I’m dealing with energies that are being expressed currently or that are developed fully in my life.

For me, The Hierophant has always symbolized tradition, cultural memory and history. At it’s finest I see The Hierophant as the teacher and mentor who helps us learn about the past and remember our history and traditions. In a high speed internet, quick fix, move across country kind of world, The Hierophant is a dying breed. I have grown to understand The Hierophant’s value and appreciate his talents. For many years I identified this card with The Pope and all the negative aspects of organized, orthodox religion. Now I am able to see beyond this limitations and expand The Hierophant’s meaning.

The Hierophant reversed may be trying to remind me that I need to work on developing my own traditions, my own lore and appreciating my own history. The truth is that I come from a long line of women (on mom’s side) who have been willing to make the necessary sacrifices in order to care for an ailing loved one. I never got a sense of heroic, sacrificial martyr in these actions. They were viewed as the right thing to do. And I suppose I’m carrying on that family tradition by caring for my mother-in-law and brother-in-law. This is something of a shock for me because for many, many years I had convinced myself that I did not possess these traits. Perhaps The Hierophant reversed is reminding me what lies beneath that mask I’m so fearful of lifting.

The Emperor and I have had a contentious relationship for many years. Many of the authority figures I’ve dealt with in my life have proven to be narcissistic, abusive jackasses. They wanted to enjoy the benefits of leadership without addressing the responsibilities and obligations that accompany them. It’s one of the biggest problems with many authority figures – they believe they deserve the tributes paid by the “peasants” but fail to see that they owe the peasants in return.

For me today I think The Emperor is reminding me that one facet of my life I’ve been considering lately is finding a way to generate income that allows me to be my own boss. He may be telling me that I can certainly do this but not now. Right now my priority is caring for the in-laws. I can lay the groundwork for eventually finding ways to make money without working for someone else but timing is everything. I need to slowly build the foundation by focusing within myself rather than on external factors. That will eventually change but for now that’s the best use of my time, talents and resources.

Fairy Lights 4 of Cups Fairy Lights 7 of Cups Fairy Lights Sun

 

How can I remove the mask? 4 of Cups
What am afraid will be revealed? 7 of Cups R
What will guide me onward? The Sun R

Hmm, I wasn’t sure what to make of this at first. How could the 4 of Cups helps me remove these masks? I thought about it a bit and realized that the first step is to break free of the ennui this card often symbolizes. Looking at the Fairy Lights 4 of Cups I was struck by the 4 little wings critters that seemed to be flitting around eying the orb that hovers nearby. They are curious but seem afraid of reluctant to approach it. That pretty much sums up my attitude towards removing the masks – I’m afraid of what I’ll find beneath. What if there is no “real me” left after I take off these masks? What if I am left with a skeleton or worse yet nothing? Of course the reality is that even with the masks that would still lie beneath. Instead of letting myself be paralyzed with uncertainty I might as well make a move and just do it.

The 7 of Cups reversed suggests that what I’m afraid will be revealed is someone whose choices and magic have left the building. Looking at the young woman and hooded figure on this card with the lights floating towards the sky made me thing of a magical, mystical person offering the young woman a gift. Whether she will accept this gift or not is unclear but in my case I think the fear is that I have no gifts left to offer. I’m a hollow husk here because I’ve been put in place and just don’t know where to go next. Or maybe this card is showing me that I don’t need to offer my gifts to others anymore; no more casting pearls before swine. I’m viewing this in the context of working outside the home. Perhaps in the past I’ve allowed my need for approval and praise to lead me into situations that resulted in my talents being squandered and unappreciated. Perhaps I was like a child who desperately desires friends and so tries to buy them rather than believing she will eventually find people who will like her for herself.

The Sun reversed is reinforcing this message to a degree. It’s a reminder that for much of my life I only felt that I truly shines when I received external validation. My locus of control and self-worth was located without. In order to move forward I need to develop skills to relocated that locus of approval, self-wroth and control within myself. I think that is what I’m finding most difficult about being a caretaker – there is no one around to give you any “atta girls”. Family and friends are supportive, reassuring and certainly give me positive reinforcement. But the two people for whom I care can’t provide that. They have no ability to give me feedback or compliments. Their love is the only compliment they have to offer. I appreciate that love and affection but it’s so alien to my usual modus operandi that it’s taking a lot of adjustment.

Lots of ideas to ponder and perspectives to adjust on my part.

Fairy Lights Moon Fairy Lights Hermit

Okay, now this is getting interesting and serious. Once again (this would be the 4th day in a row except I didn’t do a reading on Sunday) I’ve drawn two Majors for my daily reading. The Moon and The Hermit. The first thing that struck me is the numerical synchronicity. The Hermit is the 9th Arcana and The Moon is the 18th Arcana (1+8=9). It’s as though The Moon is the base and The Hermit is that energy reduced to its purest essence.

The Moon card shows a woman swinging on stars (at least I think they’re stars) beneath a crescent moon. Her face is partially obscured by a mask, in fact upon second look it’s actually two masks. One mask is a full facial mask and the second covers the eye area. Sitting on a hillside watching the swinger are two black cats, their necks stretched upwards as though trying to touch the moon with their faces or reach the woman’s hand for pets. Visible under the water beneath the swinger is a large crustacean moving towards the end of the pool.

The Hermit card shows a hooded figure walking off into the darkness, alone and with minimal supplies. The only visible source of illumination is a light at the end of the staff her carries before him. He too is beneath a star-strewn night sky. His face is not visible to us; he is walking away and shows no interest in what lays behind him.

These two cards seem to reinforce a message of hidden mysteries and unseen motivations; secrets within mysteries. Or, to paraphrase Churchill, a riddle wrapped inside an enigma. I have never consider myself especially mysterious or even deep. My running joke is that I’m as deep as a shallow, babbling brook. I’m pretty much a WYSIWYG kinda gal.

Or am I? Maybe what these cards are trying to tell me is that I’m hiding the truth from myself. I’ve been hiding behind masks for so long that I have no idea who I am anymore or what I wand to do with my life. The truth is I’ve been a bit adrift since getting fired and haven’t quite found a new harbor. Somehow I get the sense this two cards are telling me it’s time to stop fooling myself and go off in search of the real me; the me I disconnected from several years ago in order to survive. These cards also tie in with yesterday’s cards. I think the untapped potential I saw symbolized in The World is awaiting the end of my journey in search of myself. This could be a loooong trip.

Another day when I’ve drawn two Majors and the second day in the last three when I’ve drawn consecutive cards. This is intense. It makes me thing that some dramatic and life-altering changes are in the wind. From a cursory consideration of these two cards, I would interpret their message as “The dark days are over so stop judging yourself so harshly. Soon the world will be yours and everything will turn out just fine.” Right now that’s a positive message I can truly use.

Or the message could be that although the dark times weighing on my soul are over I may still find the weight of the world on my shoulders. This could refer to the fact that the mom-in-law has almost fully recovered from her hospital stay but that doesn’t mean she’s well.

Or it could be that these cards are showing me there are some hard judgment calls that still need to be made and until those issues are resolved I can fully embrace the world around me and what I want to achieve in it. I could go on all day with variations on these themes but I think the point has been made.

The image on The World shows a woman encased in what looks like an amniotic sac. To me, it is symbolic of all the potential that awaits untapped for my next move. It’s the energy, drive, and abilities that are currently untapped and eagerly await their opportunity to find expression in the world. So perhaps my message for today is a positive one of hope and possibilities. They’re also a reminder that sometimes major life changes can occur from small epiphanies that result in changes in perspective or behavior. I guess time will tell what these cards are trying to tell me.

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