BoS So Below 10 of Swords BoS So Below 9 of Wands

So, my relationship with my body has been tolerant at best and downright chilly at its worst.  I have somehow managed to disconnect myself from my body.  My physical self does not seem part of my spiritual self.  There are a variety of reasons for this, none of which I’ll go into here, but I can’t say I blame this disconnect on pop culture, Catholicism or any of the other pet bugaboos.  Yes, I played with Barbies growing up, in fact I still do, and I never felt the urge to look like Barbie.  I just wanted her exciting, jet set lifestyle.

Anyway, I am starting to realize that my neglect of my body is catching up to me (oh who am I kidding it caught up to me a long time ago).  I can’t ignore it anymore and it’s starting to get very pissy about my neglect.  New things are starting to act up.  My body seems to have decided that it will up the ante and find new ways to misbehave to try to get my attention.  So I realized I need to try to reestablish the lines of communication with my body.

This is the second time since I began using this deck that I’ve drawn both these cards.  They obviously have a deeper message for me and I’ll have to explore that at a later date.  Right now I want to hear what they say about my question.  The 10 of Swords reversed says I’m “reliving heartache by refusing to let go” and the 9 of Wands reversed shouts that I’m “giving up too soon” (according to the LWB).  I get it – there are still unresolved issues I need to work on and until I can reach some detente about them I’m subsuming my heartache by indulging in behavior that hurts my body.  I also need to try sticking with the plans I have made.  I’m pretty good at making plans but lately I’ve been lousy on follow through.  I let the least little thing derail my efforts and use my stressful responsibilities as an excuse to just give up.

I don’t want to be a quitter and I don’t want to keep reliving things that cause me to engage in unhealthy behaviors.  I need to start loving my body.  I need to stop beating myself up about past events.  And I need to just take those baby steps to create a healthier and happier life for myself.  I can do it if I stop focusing on how louse things are and how worthless I am.  If I want to manifest something better than that’s where my focus needs to be.